My blanket smells like me.

Not apples and rainbows.

I wish I could burn it with me inside so I didn’t have to know that.

I’m Sick of You

I’m sick of you

Love-sick

Heart-sick

Home-sick

For you

But there is no room

For someone like you

In my life.

Not after what

You did. 

He did. 

I did.

.

You stand

On the other side

Of an emotional river

Of your own creation

While we both cry out

Unfortunately bridges cannot be un-burned

.

So I’m sick of you

I’m sick of loving you

But I do

But I’m not

But we are

Burnt.

.

I’m sick of throwing up words

Into pictures of how I remember you.

I wont divine our fortune

In my entrails

I don’t have the guts

And you don’t have me

And I don’t have you

But I guess that that

Will just have to do.

Someone kill me please

I’m tired of this.

Just make it all end.

While Remembering You

Everyday I wonder
If I should take a blade
And shove it under my ribs
With a twist to make it final 
And pull it out
Dripping my blood out in a pool
So I can watch my life slide
Off unto the floor
Where it belongs. 
.
I wonder and hope
For an accident 
For something to end me
I feel a pain in my chest
Hoping it brings death 
.
I hope I see that blade soon
Again
Because I’ve already seen 
Such beauty
Death incarnate
My death 
The last time I saw you
And all the times before 
Where you forged your tongue
That cut me so 
So I sleep now
Hoping the pain
That feels like a heart attack is one.
So I never wake up
To this excuse of a world
Ever, ever again

A Decision

You were the worst decision

That I have ever made

The only thing that has mattered

With the greatest price I’ve paid

.

But your name rests

On my lips as on my mind

Because you were the only thing I did right

The best anything I could find

.

You haunt me every single day

You are my anecdotes

Passed on with a taste of blood

From trying to bite my tongue

Because as the words slip out

You become real again.

.

And there is always at least one more time

To look forward to hopefully

Where I will taste my blood

On the lips you tasted

And be happy

Because you will be the last thing I ever see.

Beat

My heart beats 

Only for you

Each beat reverberates

Through my every bone

And blood vessel

With your name and your face

And your now distant memory

Where everything is golden

Suspended as perfect

Like we used to be

I wonder

If it would hurt less

To cut it out.

I Remember

You asked me to do one thing,

To not forget how we used to be.

I know that I won’t forget a moment

Until the day I die.

I only hope that it’s soon,

Because like I said,

I can’t forget.

Snuffed

I thought I was safe

From the damage you had done

I had a new spark that was already much brighter than 

We ever were

But all it took was a second of worry

And now the only thing I can see

Is the same boot that snuffed us out

About to come crashing down again somehow

And mostly

I’m worried its my foot and not yours

And that I will never be safe

From the damage you did

To us

Shards

You dropped me then
You dropped me hard
With only retroactive regard
.
I layed broken, shattered at your feet
A whole new person for you to meet
.
I have since then gotten back to a normal
A person with who
You
The comfortable, must be formal
.
I stand back on these legs of reforged ash
And watch with eyes of refractory glass
.
My heart and head splintered with a new man’s regret
Must come to understand his new mindset
.
I am not who I was before
To love the old made new heart sore
When I try to love
Love to try
My heart feels and reaches out
And is pierced by shards of doubt
.
Your joyful habits now bring pain
From me experiencing our past’s refrain
Because my essence bears a stain
I hold to lose, but that stays with disdain
.
My world is not a pane clear and true
It lays in ruin from naught but you
I look at your wonder
Your love
Your struggle
But my eyes see double, triple, more
From my hearts broken view into the world
I don’t know what I see, what I feel
I doubt these cracks will ever heal
.
I look to you through those very same cracks
And I see
The person and people we used to be
But I see so much more that I wish weren’t there
Things you, are, arent, could or couldnt be
And it just isnt fair
For you or for me
But .its what I see even if it isnt real
Its my broken world
For my broken heart to feel.
.
I just don’t know if what I see
Is mostly nobody
You
Or me

I ran out of Patience and Sleep

He walks and he’s tripping

Your heartstrings hes ripping

As he begins slipping 

Down.

You feel a slight tug

Attached to his hug

Like he’s pulling the run

Out from you.

You’re lost and afraid

For the days you have paid

And the Love you have made

With him.

But i’m here to remind you

Not to feel so blue

Because the me that you knew

Is here.

On my shoulder you can cry

Or resignedly sigh

And into it i’ll pry

For your well being.

When you’re feeling alone

Or cutting prone

Even just “out of the zone”

You can text me

Because you’re really cute

With your rocking glutes

And eye of newt

Bewitching

Now this poem is almost done

And it was kinda fun

But i’m going to run

Away now.

Because poetry is hard

Like a dick.