Pierced

Every shard
Of shattered love
I dig out from beneath my ribs
Proves how wrong it ever was
To let that love grow or live
It hurts even now
To cast out
The parts of you I’ve kept
But I remind myself
How little I meant
To you
Whenever I haven’t slept
It was only a matter of time
Till you broke my heart
Its all you’ve ever done
From the first you had
That you left feeling sad
Its all you’ve ever known
I feel sorry for you
Almost
Though I know you don’t want my pity
Since I decided you weren’t ever worth it
But I love you still
Meaning there’s something left to dig out
At least I wasn’t completely hollow
I wish your heart luck
Have fun living life on the run
Because SydKeepsRunning
Take your brakes stopping here
Or there or there
But you’ll never stop waiting
For something you’re running from

You were killing me
And I guess you still are
But I needed space
To breathe while dying
But I said I’d be back.
So I got a bit better
And walked calmly back to you
To keep my promise
And because I missed you
For nothing in the end.
I was a pain.
There was no room for me
You could maybe see me once
Every other week
For just a fewwwww hours
And then it fucked up so much
Of the stuff you were doing
That I would feel bad
Just for seeing you.
You didn’t even have time
To consider my feelings
I made clear
I love you
I still do
But one of of those few times
I got to see you
It wasn’t even about me
Even if I spent all my time
Getting ready, smiling giddy
Because I couldn’t wait
To see the most important person
I’ve ever met
And you stopped just long enough to flirt
With a guy your friend set you up with
I guess I should thank you
Because you finally made it clear
I wasn’t welcome in your life anymore
I just caused problems
Had inconvenient feelings
You just didn’t have time for
And I didn’t have time to cry about you
I hope you’re happier without me.
Even though I still cry everyday
Until I can’t look anyone in the eye
Im sorry I ever loved you
I didn’t mean to get in the way

Every night
I keep a blanket
Rolled out neat
Like a person
And if I do it just right
I can put my arm to sleep
And pull at it
Like it was air and I needed it
As if it were you
Sometimes it is in my dreams
And I’m not lonely again
Until I wake up
With my own body heat
My same old morning breath
Alone
Grasping for phantoms
Of a year ago today
July fourth
Back when I was happy
When your name didn’t burn like acid
While I’m trying to melt
When you drew on this
Or that
And they were just doodles
But now they’re all I have
And acid is my favorite flavor
Because it burns oh so right
I need anything to hurt
Because I have nothing to fight
Except escape lying left and right
With death as their goalkeeper
But that’s a war not a fight
Just like forgetting and remembering
The taste of love those nights
Oh how it burned
Just like acid

3oclock

It’s 3oclock in the morning
And I just want to hear your voice
Over all this time the sound has faded
As if it’s had a choice
.
It has changed so much
From bouncing around my head
I don’t remember what it sounds like
When all I think is “I wish I were dead”
.
But still I remember those nights
Where that was what you thought
Curled, crying alone
Waiting for your cheeks to dry
And for your arms to clot
.
And its 3oclock in the morning
And I think I hear your voice
But I don’t know what it’s saying
Maybe that I have a choice
.
Because lover,
Its 3oclock in the morning
And I’m curled, crying alone
And I’m waiting for my cheeks to dry
Wishing I had a home
.
Because it is 3oclock
In the fucking morning
And I wish I had something
To make the pain stop
So my ears wouldn’t ring
Like they’re going to pop
.
I wish everything was different
I wish I weren’t alone
I wish I could be like you
Waiting so peacefully
For the blood to clot
.
But it’s 4oclock in the morning
And maybe I am dead
Maybe I died that day when I decided
To forget us and everything we did and said
When we were together
When we stayed together those times
Better times
At 3oclock those mornings

I love you still

It’s almost unreal

Why I cant stop crying

Or why I think of dying

As the only way to stop.

I wish it would stop.

I love you still

But I would love to forget you.

Time To Dance

Alone at the ball

While you’re off where-ever

I asked to you to come

I don’t know where it went or came from

But I’m better off without you.

I’ll go and I’ll dance

And have a good time

Remembering to forget you.

I’ll laugh and I’ll joke

With the musical folk 

Building

Building

Falling.

I hope you’re fine

Wherever you are

But I fear where I

Will find myself later

When my heart looks for love

And my mind says “I hate her”.

So I’ll retreat to sleep

Where I’m usually safe.

And hope to wake

At all

Wherever

A Fatal Flaw In Tendency

Helped with all that I can see

I knew as I know so many things

What would come to be.

I knew from the time at the movies

Where you planned your date

With him

In front of me.

Having me near at hand means nothing

Wont stop you changing your feelings

About him or me 

So why not flee?

Its good you’re gone

Hopefully you wont care at all

So when I die a tear wont fall.

Just don’t lie to me

And tell me I was special to you

Somehow, some way.

Don’t tell me you loved me those few days

Don’t tell me why in those few way. 

Me talking or being around you

Always was and would have been

The wrong thing to do.

You were going to fall for him anyway

Because you can “love” anyone

Once you start to build around them.

You were going to date him anyway.

You were going to love him anyway.

I wouldn’t have changed it.

So don’t call me special. 

Call me what I was to you.

Life slaughtered so you could grow stronger.

I was just dirt for you to grow from.

I’m nothing. 

Ashes to ashes.

Pain to pain. 

Flowers to sky

For dirt to remain dirt.

I left you because

You convinced me to do it

With action, not words

Many things are perfect

But perfect does not mean flawless

Perfection is loving the flaws

Because you have to

Before you can love someone

Or something completely 

Even a mistake

That you loved every second of.

,

Mistakes are experiences

That we all make every day

But that makes them no less unwise

It just means it would have been better

Had it turned out differently

And I honestly believe

It would have been

Because no matter how happy

I was together 

Since then I have to live with

Some of the ghosts 

That I accepted in you.

And I would have been better off

And you would have been just fine

No matter what

Because you always will be.

Because you can love

And love

And love

And I loved that too

But you always have the power to move on

And I can’t just take the memories of us

Tied to my waist as I try to walk away

Art is more than the pain

Art is happiness too

And we would have been fine

But I honestly hope 

I helped you feel better

Even if I can’t say the same

That’s why I wish

That I had never met you

But understand your disagreement.

Because almost a year ago

I picked you

Almost a year ago

I never thought about settling

Almost a year ago I was perfectly happy

And that was before you

Too

And no matter how much 

You loved me

I always needed somebody

But you don’t see

The heart of a vole i keep

Because human never really fit

And while we were together I loved it

But it was a mistake on my part

Because I don’t have another heart

To move on and test waters 

Because you were and are perfect

And I could never think of settling

For anything less.