I’m Sick of You

I’m sick of you

Love-sick

Heart-sick

Home-sick

For you

But there is no room

For someone like you

In my life.

Not after what

You did. 

He did. 

I did.

.

You stand

On the other side

Of an emotional river

Of your own creation

While we both cry out

Unfortunately bridges cannot be un-burned

.

So I’m sick of you

I’m sick of loving you

But I do

But I’m not

But we are

Burnt.

.

I’m sick of throwing up words

Into pictures of how I remember you.

I wont divine our fortune

In my entrails

I don’t have the guts

And you don’t have me

And I don’t have you

But I guess that that

Will just have to do.

Someone kill me please

I’m tired of this.

Just make it all end.

While Remembering You

Everyday I wonder
If I should take a blade
And shove it under my ribs
With a twist to make it final 
And pull it out
Dripping my blood out in a pool
So I can watch my life slide
Off unto the floor
Where it belongs. 
.
I wonder and hope
For an accident 
For something to end me
I feel a pain in my chest
Hoping it brings death 
.
I hope I see that blade soon
Again
Because I’ve already seen 
Such beauty
Death incarnate
My death 
The last time I saw you
And all the times before 
Where you forged your tongue
That cut me so 
So I sleep now
Hoping the pain
That feels like a heart attack is one.
So I never wake up
To this excuse of a world
Ever, ever again

A Decision

You were the worst decision

That I have ever made

The only thing that has mattered

With the greatest price I’ve paid

.

But your name rests

On my lips as on my mind

Because you were the only thing I did right

The best anything I could find

.

You haunt me every single day

You are my anecdotes

Passed on with a taste of blood

From trying to bite my tongue

Because as the words slip out

You become real again.

.

And there is always at least one more time

To look forward to hopefully

Where I will taste my blood

On the lips you tasted

And be happy

Because you will be the last thing I ever see.

Beat

My heart beats 

Only for you

Each beat reverberates

Through my every bone

And blood vessel

With your name and your face

And your now distant memory

Where everything is golden

Suspended as perfect

Like we used to be

I wonder

If it would hurt less

To cut it out.

I Remember

You asked me to do one thing,

To not forget how we used to be.

I know that I won’t forget a moment

Until the day I die.

I only hope that it’s soon,

Because like I said,

I can’t forget.

Snuffed

I thought I was safe

From the damage you had done

I had a new spark that was already much brighter than 

We ever were

But all it took was a second of worry

And now the only thing I can see

Is the same boot that snuffed us out

About to come crashing down again somehow

And mostly

I’m worried its my foot and not yours

And that I will never be safe

From the damage you did

To us

Shards

You dropped me then
You dropped me hard
With only retroactive regard
.
I layed broken, shattered at your feet
A whole new person for you to meet
.
I have since then gotten back to a normal
A person with who
You
The comfortable, must be formal
.
I stand back on these legs of reforged ash
And watch with eyes of refractory glass
.
My heart and head splintered with a new man’s regret
Must come to understand his new mindset
.
I am not who I was before
To love the old made new heart sore
When I try to love
Love to try
My heart feels and reaches out
And is pierced by shards of doubt
.
Your joyful habits now bring pain
From me experiencing our past’s refrain
Because my essence bears a stain
I hold to lose, but that stays with disdain
.
My world is not a pane clear and true
It lays in ruin from naught but you
I look at your wonder
Your love
Your struggle
But my eyes see double, triple, more
From my hearts broken view into the world
I don’t know what I see, what I feel
I doubt these cracks will ever heal
.
I look to you through those very same cracks
And I see
The person and people we used to be
But I see so much more that I wish weren’t there
Things you, are, arent, could or couldnt be
And it just isnt fair
For you or for me
But .its what I see even if it isnt real
Its my broken world
For my broken heart to feel.
.
I just don’t know if what I see
Is mostly nobody
You
Or me

I ran out of Patience and Sleep

He walks and he’s tripping

Your heartstrings hes ripping

As he begins slipping 

Down.

You feel a slight tug

Attached to his hug

Like he’s pulling the run

Out from you.

You’re lost and afraid

For the days you have paid

And the Love you have made

With him.

But i’m here to remind you

Not to feel so blue

Because the me that you knew

Is here.

On my shoulder you can cry

Or resignedly sigh

And into it i’ll pry

For your well being.

When you’re feeling alone

Or cutting prone

Even just “out of the zone”

You can text me

Because you’re really cute

With your rocking glutes

And eye of newt

Bewitching

Now this poem is almost done

And it was kinda fun

But i’m going to run

Away now.

Because poetry is hard

Like a dick.

Prompt- Day 3- “Restless”- Reign

You know it, somewhere deep within yourself, you do not belong here. This is not your home, despite how you have grown here, there are so many other places to go. How could anyone consider it life, to stay in one place for all of their days? Perhaps it could be considered life, but by hell’s gate it can not be called living. People constantly tell you that this lust is a phase, that it will pass. They say you will find someone, and you will settle down. They say once that happens you will want such a calm lifestyle. That one place will be enough. To hell with them, if you feel you deserve more, WANT more, who are they to tell you otherwise? They who have so readily accepted the fate that seemed most apparent, to grow old and die peacefully in the same spot they have gone through life? They do not own you, you own yourself. You have the right to your own life, and let nothing take it from you. No power takes priority over your life accept that which you place there. Perhaps you will die for no man, living on merely to survive. So be it, that is your right as a being possessing life and free will. Perhaps you shall throw yourself under the blade for others, to become a martyr for peace. So be it, let no person tell you otherwise. You, who have this one measly shot at life, at living, who are you to accept the rules others lay down before you? You are free to break the chains of “fate” that bind you. You know this is not your life, so you must change it. It will not come easily, nor through luck,it will be a fight against everything, risking everything. For the problem with so many nowadays is that they feel entitled to what they want, without the work for it. Should they see you doing more, there will be three paths they will take. The first path is that of jealousy, they will condemn you for taking a path so different and foreign from their own. They’re better you by the law that they are themselves, and thus they feel it fair to declare you a traitor, to say you are going too far from your roots, to say you aren’t worthy of what they cannot have. The second path is one of greed, they expect that by the principle of generosity, you must be expected to give unto them any good come to you. You owe no man anything, save for what you personally believe them worthy of. No person can demand your life from you. They third is of sloth, of a sort. They seem lax, but not for any malefic reason. They are merely content, as you might someday be. But you must fight, you must overcome these people,the society that rules them, and most importantly yourself. That is the sowing and the planting, as well as the tending, to change. Let not yourself be drawn to less than you deserve, take hold of the life you were given. Do not survive, live.